I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
