i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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