can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
