Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
