After last night, I could never be a politician.
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Randomize
