Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
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