Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
