my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
