the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Just high enough for therapy.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
