dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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