Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
