i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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