I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
