I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
