Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
