so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
