lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
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