i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
