Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
