You're a womanizer and a bitch.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Randomize
