It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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