living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
this just has baby written all over it
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
