I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
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