he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
