i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
