What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
