A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
