Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
