All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
