Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
