Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
