So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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