Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
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