Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Randomize
