Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Randomize
