the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Can you bring me the toilet please
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
