Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
