Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Randomize
