She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
So. Much. Porn.
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