Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
