why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
