a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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