I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
