I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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