Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
