He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
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