I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
