is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
