remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Randomize
