I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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