I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
