I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Is Oprah even human
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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