After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Randomize
