i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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