Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
