my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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