ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
