She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Randomize
