thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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