Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
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