my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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