Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
