I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
