i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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