somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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