Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Randomize
