Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Randomize
