She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
