Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
