did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
