Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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