Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
