come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Congratulations! We have a period
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Randomize
