The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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