he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
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