somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize