Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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