i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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