I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Randomize
