im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
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