how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
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