How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
