Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
It's no shave November. This is our time.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
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